Blueberry or lemon?

Aug 19, 2008 at 3:01 PM
8 comments

This is a true story. I did not write it. The names have been eliminated to protect the stupid.

On our way back from dropping [names] off at the airport, we stopped for lunch at Marie Callender's. We both ate a wonderful chicken salad with pecans, oranges, and gorgonzola cheese. Since they were running a 99 cent pie special, of course we were forced to have pie for dessert. [Name] ordered lemon meringue, and I ordered blueberry with cream.

As we were walking to the car, [name] glanced down and noticed a large glop on the front of his shirt. He complained about how he can't seem to eat anything without dropping some on himself. Then, he reached down and scooped the glop off of his shirt and popped it into his mouth, while I watched in amazement.

His eyes began to bug out immediately, and he gagged and coughed. When I asked him what was wrong, all he could manage was a strangled, "Bird poop!"

After a few minutes of hysterical laughing, I asked him why he would scoop ANYTHING off of his shirt and put it into his mouth - no less an anonymous goopy stain.

His reply was, "Well, I wanted to find out if it was blueberry or lemon."

I think that we need to watch him more closely in the future.

8 comments

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Oh.My.God.

Best Story Ever!!!!!!

My bf does that!!! I'm going to tell him this story! Thanks! lmao.

[this is good]

So amazingly funny! My only question: how did he know it was bird poop from tasting it?

I did have a college roommate who ate a chili dog - get this - after taking a dump. He saw some of the chili on his finger and, yup, licked it off. It wasn't chili. Honest to god truth. We asked he what it tasted like and he said, "Well, not like chili, I can tell you that!"

Now, he gives everything brown the 'sniff test' because you can never be too sure when it comes to that...

clamhead replied to Average Joe’s comment:
Aug 19, 2008
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You know, I wondered that as well. I hear it's pretty acidic (which is why you should wash it off your car as soon as possible), so perhaps that was the tip-off.

I'm at a loss for words regarding the chili story. I just... I mean...

Loss. Words.

The really tragic part is that [he] used his finger instead of just pulling his shirt up and licking it off. Who wants to get pie on their fingers?

There's more to the story; Nameless, after trying repeatedly, and unsuccessfully, to spit the stuff out, commented, "Damn! That tastes TERRIBLE!" To which I replied, "Well, what did you expect. It came out of a bird's ASS."

He is still trying to justify why, in fact, he decided to eat the glop instead of using one of his other senses--smell, for instance--to try to determine what it was. Not only that, he actually told me, "I FORBID you to tell anyone about this!"

My reply was: "No chance in HELL that I'm keeping this to myself." The possibilities are endless. I envision commemorative tee-shirts, birdseed cakes, and bird-themed gifts ad infanitum.

Good night, TWEETHEART, well, it's time to go...

clamhead replied to mommydearest’s comment:
Aug 20, 2008
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Well, there goes the anonymity.

I envision this story being passed along through email and word of mouth and becoming urban legend. Everyone will know someone who knows the person who ate the bird poop.

Congratulations.